The Funeral Service

A funeral is the final opportunity that family and friends have to publicly express their love and respect for the deceased and the support that they give each other. The funeral should therefore be arranged with as much calm and collectiveness of thought and spirit as is possible to gather on what is usually the most traumatic time in any family's life. For this very reason it is often argued that a family ought to give serious thought to discussing, at least the most obvious and salient points that are considered essential in a funeral service for one of their own, should there be any likelihood that a funeral is to be arranged in the foreseeable future.

It is suggested, for example, that responsible members of the family look at the question of whether or not the family is favourably disposed towards the burial or the cremation of its deceased, and whether or not the family would consider the funeral a "private" affair or a more "open" service. The question of whether the funeral service should be held in a church or in the funeral director's chapel, or at either cemetery or crematorium, is something that ought to be given some serious consideration.

It would not be out of place to suggest, perhaps, that in the first instance a responsible member of the family should contact a funeral director of his choice and ask for an interview with these very questions in mind. Every reputable funeral director would accede to a request of this kind without imposing any obligation whatsoever on the enquirer.

Fundamentally a funeral properly arranged should have two main purposes:

1. The funeral will ensure the proper and legal burial or cremation of the deceased whilst attending with reverence and appropriate decorum to all the required details.
2. The funeral will help the bereaved to face the reality of death, enabling them to take the first steps towards working through their grief and bereavement.

In this area it has been proven that the funeral has the most effective therapeutic value. The funeral service will therefore also fulfil a social need for the expression of grief on the one hand, and grieving support on the other.

The options available are:

It's important to recognise that funerals are for the living. for those who will suffer the trauma of losing a loved one. It is through the funeral process that a number of emotional needs are met for those who grieve.

A funeral is similar to other ceremonies in our lives. The funeral is a rite of passage by which we recognise an important event that distinguishes our lives.

The funeral declares that a death has occurred. It commemorates the life that has been lived, and offers family and friends the opportunity to pay tribute to their loved one.

The gathering of family and friends for the funeral service helps to provide emotional support so needed at this time. This will help those who grieve to face the reality of death and consequently, to take the first step toward a healthy emotional adjustment.

Psychologists have established that denial is a natural part of the grieving process. Until a bereaved person truly accepts the fact that a death has occurred, no progress can be made in resolving their grief. Research indicates that viewing the body of the deceased helps to fulfil the psychological needs of those who are left behind.

A valuable aspect of the funeral service should be its individualist. Whether a ceremony is elaborate or simple, funerals are often aimed to reflect the life of the deceased and to hold special meaning for family and friends.

It may reflect one's religious beliefs as a reaffirmation of faith in a greater life beyond this world.

It may reflect the occupation or hobbies of the deceased.

It may centre around an ethnic background or social affiliation.

Generally, a ceremony is conducted with the body of the deceased present. In this sense, the ceremony provides an occasion for saying final goodbyes prior to final disposition.

In our society, three basic forms of final disposition are practiced.

The first is earth burial which continues to be the form of disposition chosen by many.

Cremation is a form chosen by most. This is actually a process of preparing the body for final disposition whereby the body is reduced by intense heat to a kilo or so of small skeletal fragments. These cremated remains are usually placed in an urn which may be buried, placed in a memorial niche, or kept in some location. Cremated remains may also be scattered where permitted by law.

Finally, entombment in a crypt is also a choice and is one of the oldest forms of disposition. Today most cemeteries maintain crypts for entombment which may be in a mausoleum or in an outdoor garden.

The Role of the Funeral Director

The role of the funeral director is one of service. The funeral director is called upon to assist with advice and practical knowledge to arrange the finer details and practical requirements that need to be put together before the final shape of the funeral service can take place. From the moment a family calls upon the services of a funeral director they place themselves and all their organisation at that family's disposal, and in effect, he / she becomes their agent in every sense of the word by projecting and transposing their instructions into properly executed order and action.

Their training and background allow them to exercise deep understanding to many of the requests made of them whether these requests may sound totally rational or not at the time. The traditional funeral director would have had experience enough to understand the meaning of the family's wishes, irrespective of in what terms these wishes are couched.